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Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Fith Element II - O.D

Im worried. After my performance, I stepped down from the stage to get to the door; get some fresh air but, I had to shake everyone's hand on the way there. So... It took a while.
The reason I didnt start the story before my performance is because I dont want to toot my own horn, as they say. But, yes I did a very good job. And yes I did battle this cat named Street Legal on stage. Yes I did win...

Im trying to write this without being what I call journalist-corny. Which means writing an experience down all fantastically with all kinds of unnecessary enthusiasm and magic... But writing this and knowing someone is reading it makes me want to write entertainingly. But then, this isnt about you, this is about me...which is what im having a problem deciphering.
See, I noticed that everytime I was introduced to someone by Susan, I would refer to myself as O.D. But really Im Demetrius...I think... I mean... Demetrius is my identity... I mean...
Why didnt I introduce myself as Demetrius? I mean, that is my name. But... O.D is my name too/now. You may think I'm over analyzing this but I feel like to say that I am O.D, is to say that I am not Demetrius...anymore. Or is it all one in the same?

Im worried. I kind of feel like Peter Parker when he started becoming Venom. Its like O.D is trying to synthesize with my personality or something... Yes, I look at it as an entity of its own...Slowly fusing with my own identity.
And as O.D becomes more famous or respected, so shall Demetrius, right?
But people dont know Im Demetrius, they think i'm O.D. And I...I guess the question is, "am I O.D too?, or is it just a nickname?" Is it just subservant to Demetrius?
So after I walk to the Gas Station down the street to get a cappachino, I come back to Fifth Element to just hang around. People are asking me for my number and giving me their's and its...flattering. Theyre telling me how talented I am and I respond shy as hell. Trying to be humble and modest.
There was this one Emcee in particular.. Wait... I mean this one guy. Wait... Do I refer of him as an emcee or a guy?...
Ok, let me get my thoughts together...
... Well, he tells me that my lyrics are refreshing. And another guy tells me that he's inspired to write better. And Im thinking to myself "who takes the credit on this? O.D? or Demetrius?"
It seems to me that im going to have to find out if O.D is a name or an Identity. Is it the identity of Demetrius and Demetrius is the personality of O.D? Or is everything in reverse? Or am I Demetrius evovling into O.D?

I wonder if this some path laid out by Hiphop for me to begin evolving. Or maybe becoming Hiphop is making me share traits with it. Hiphop seems to transcend the identities of race, cultures and other affiliations with the world. So maybe its natural that I do the same.
Eh... I dont know.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Blue Nile

Sigh... eh.. one of those days. One of those days where you just feel like bleh...take inventory on your life and realize you haven't really been accomplishing anything. Or even if you have, its not as satisfying as you want it to be. So it insists that you haven't accomplished "enough".
Sigh.. Well i'm glad I caught myself. And its a good thing I love to write too, so im just venting... Its easy to get caught in the blues. Sometimes im bluesy out of habit and nothing else...I just get so used to doing it that it becomes a bit of a comfort zone for me...Its a complicated emotion.
That's probably why I felt a little if-y about going to the Blue Nile for the first time last Tuesday (its Saturday now). I mean, when I left I felt vulnerable because I didnt do my little ritual where I self-doubt myself and come up with a reason not to go... I just got dressed and hopped on the bus. Had to be around 9:30 at night...
I didnt get there until after 10:30 though on account of the buses run so slowly at night... So I had some time to walk around Downtown and consider goin' on back home.. Found myself on 8th and Nicollet in a Bus Shelter with 4 other people contemplating whether or not I was goin to do it..
This drunkard walks in the scene all goofy and talkative; breaking the silence. He was this old black guy; well-dressed I suppose. I dont know why but the guy suddenly gets all self-pitying talking about how he needs to stop drinking and get his life together and...go see his kids or somethin'. Not talking to anyone in particular...Just.. looking off in the distance with his back to us... I dont know, somethin about his sorrow made me snap out of my own bluesy trance and get on the 22 bus down to Franklin and Cedar. And I'll admit, the closer I got to the venue, the better I started to feel..

I liked the place, it was sexy. I guess it was a bar type place? With a stage and a dancefloor.. Look, I don't get out alot ok? Well anyway, I met Desdamona again and this time I introduced myself. I didn't get to perform on account of being so damn late.. But I stayed until about Midnight; just people-watchin'.
I know I always say this but, there was this really sexy woman there that caught my eye.. which is saying something because I was blind as hell that night. I left the house without my glasses or contact lenses not knowing what was going to happen to me. Stupidity or bravery?
Anyway, going to that Urban-Sexy venue gave me a bit of a reality check on where I want to be in my life. I just turned 20 a month ago and Im still bitchin like a 19 year old...And im in highschool... Thats not what I want. Just talked to a old friend from middle school who says he's starting college on Monday..

Im starting to notice that every time I go out on one of these HipHop adventures, I not only find truth's of the world but I find a new truth in myself that I wasnt able to see by just sitting in the house all introverted and shit... I'm watching these musician's from backstage and everyone is passing me you know? Back and forth, back and forth with guitars and... notebooks and drinks and smiles and... I said to myself..I said: " Im in the way..."
I said to myself "im not in their league...", I live with my pops and I dont have a job. I just realized my smarts and talents didnt count for shit at that moment. I felt like a ghost watching Desdamona work that show. And all those musicians and conversations and friends and friends and such and I wasn't apart of it? I felt like this: I was right there and nobody even saw me....Its like HipHop is telling me to grow up.

*Huh...

Monday, March 28, 2011

Voices Merging

I am so... sleepy... but i said I was going to write this so I am. Oh I wish i could upload some pictures for you guys but, unfortunately I need a new camera so you'll have to settle for my writings in bare form for now.
I arrived home laughing; it was a good night. I had arrived a little too late to sign up for the performers list so I found myself signing up for the audience list instead which I detest a bit. But it was worth it, I got to see local Hip Hop Royalty Desdamona and Carnage rip the mic.
Its pretty cool, Carnage recognized me from the event in St. Paul that I attended to with the HSRA choir, though I performed independently. So I felt and still feel really bad about not having that video ready yet for Rachel and its been so long. Well that was the least of my worries at the time because guess who I bumped into for the first time in a long while?
My First love from 4 or 5 years ago was there at the open Mic. Woah, im falling asleep at the computer. I'll elaborate later on today. Peace


Okay so I got some sleep, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I saw Jazzmin there with another girl i'd known since middle school. They recognized me right off bat which was kind of wierd to me... There was no hesitation when they saw me just "Hey Demetrius!" and then hugs... And seeing them was nice but there was something more interesting to watch once I sat down to watch the performances. I didn't catch her name and we all know im too shy to just walk up to her and ask when other people are around (that's my excuse). She was pretty. Long black hair and glasses...probably in her 20's and I guess she was one of the Voices Merging visual artists... I don't know, I don't want to ramble too much because if I do, this whole blog will be about me on this HipHop quest to find her on some Brown Sugar shit and probably get the story turned into a movie...
Well when I got home that mixed emotion became inspiration to begin writing this song im going to call "pick-up line". Its funny, When I write I construct these fantasies and I see these...scenes when I write... Especially when writing about a person in particular. My creative energy combined with pen, pad and a heavy beat some how put me in this...meditation and I begin to write out the things I see in my minds eye through english.
In this case I wrote out a scene so vividly I could almost...almost... almost... I could almost reach out and touch her... It may be strange to you 5-9ers, but to the artist this is normal. I've never even spoken to this girl and yet i've already developed a relationship with her that she doesn't even know about...its kinda like I heard Desdamona say while she was on the mic with it: "all you ever helped me with was write this rhyme..." (I may have misquoted).
If you take a look at one of my rhymebooks you will see lyrics from front to back and think "Wow this guy has alot of rhymes he's trying to turn into songs" but truly, My rhymebooks are full of fantasies Im trying to turn into reality but I lack something... Confidence I think. Its almost self-sabotage because I do have the confidence, we all do, I just dont let myself go there yet for some reason. Im slowly starting to lose that habit though. Its strange, something is changing me. And I dont want to sound corny but I think its HipHop somehow. Its helping me to become more and more like how I picture myself in my head...

*Shrugs

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Beat Assassin Project

So i am currently working with quite a few producers and they are expecting some good stuff. Well, you see the misery of the Hip Hop producer when he gives his/her beat to an Emcee is that sometimes the emcee never delivers you know? And its very dissapointing becuasce the Emcee gets the producer all hyped up and sometimes never delivers the goods. Sometimes this makes some producers get kind of mean or "touchy" about their beats and they develop a bit of a resentment toward emcee's.. Its true.
Well thats how it is in 2011 anyway, but thats not too different from 20 years ago during the transition from The light age of Hip Hop (1980-1990) to the golden age of Hip Hop (1990-2000) when the emcee's left their DJ's/turntablists to pursue contracts with corporations creating "hip-hop".. As Teacha' says man, Once the Golden Era hit, Graffiti, Breakdancing and Turntablin' no longer were seen as relevant means of expressing Hip Hop in Mainstream America; Rapping was now solely the relevant definition of what it meant to be a Hiphoppa... (to the naked eye) so alot of emcee's sold out and left their DJ's.
But im rambling, my Beat Assassin project is a series of mixtapes produced by these randomly fantastic people I stumble across. Its almost an apology on behalf of emcee's because it really is all about the beats. Well thats the way im going to present the tapes anyway. In doing this project I hope to bridge at least MY connection back to the DJ's/Producers and open up a new chamber in my HipHop growth process.
Well thats the goal. But I need a deadline for each project because I have these producers well... kind of fucked up. Especially my good friend Quality, who I like to refer to as Johnny Boy Wonder. We've been working on his tape for 2 months now and havent really gotten anything solid laid down. And he deserves this tape done by the end of April.
Also CVS the abstract, who caught my ear by way of youtube, we connected through facebook and I've written 3, 4 or 5 songs to his and havent gotten the recordings done just yet. He got me up on Reverbnation by the way.
I know im kind of going all over the place but do you want to know what my ultimate tape would be? Flying Lotus... Man... I wish I could meet this guy just once you know? I admit I cannot grasp the magnitude of his ambitions but the music speaks to me. And I kinda... dream of being on his label. Well first things first right? Gotta get to work!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Rap Names

Well, haven't been performing... and I probably spelled "haven't" wrong just now too... does the apostrophe go before or after the n? Oh well, maybe I'll just say "have not" from now on.. Anyway, Im working on my album/mixtape so I have not been doing any performing or doing any of my Hip Hop documentation. I need to though. I owe it to a woman named Rachel Johnson that I met at this community performance I went to with the HSRA choir...But later for that...
I'll be recording it this weekend, the album. Its called "I'm Angry". I am pretty much just lyrically/comedically attacking everything that's making me angry in Hip Hop right now. From skinny jeans to chicks-who-are-hot-and-pretend-that-they-are-good-people-but-are-really-hoes-that-have-had-sex-with-basically-all-of-my-music-associates-because-she-doesnt-seem-like-the-type-but-she-is-the-type-that-tramp type stuff..
Rappers turned singers, mark ass tricks, trick ass marks, scallywops and scallywags...
Also, I've taken on a new emcee name. Well, I should say I've taken on another alias: O.D. Why? I feel it captures my internal ambitions more... I'm still Knowone though...

Monday, March 7, 2011

Not quite depression and yet not quite anger...

I could probably do alot. Im talented. I did another Open Mic a few weeks ago but... havent edited the video yet. Guess your expecting to read my charming writings and get a read on me. There's really nothing to read though...
I guess this is one of my rants I go on when im feeling down...
I dont remember there being any long period in my life in which I was happy, or at peace on a consistant basis. Instead Im usually sad with small periods of joy. But still, I dont remember the last period of joy or what I was doing or what it made it joyful.
I dont know what I... what I want to really do... I just.
Im very lonely. Even when surrounded by people.
So say I go ahead on this musical career path as a strangely fantastic Hip Hop rapper and producer and journalist/writer... I do shows, people cheer... we take pictures, they tell all their friends... I tell all my friends... We facebook, we twitter, we yahoo...
I'll be 20 this sunday... It'll be my 20th time around the sun. I... dont know what im trying to write anymore. Just a bunch of cleverly worded sadness about me being pessimistic about the future... All because im... I think im probably heartbroken. I just didnt realize it because this would be... the 4th or 5th one... I remember the 1st two had some more feeling to the pain. Perhaps... im nerve damaged or numb now. Or just dont care anymore.

I used to be more optimistic... "oh this'll transfer over to good energy" etc... I was able to use my imagination to marginalize the pain into something i can get over...and... that would give some hope to the whole "oh, there's someone out there" thing... But im running out of idea's...
I guess that's why all those celebrities in showbiz do all that cocaine. How would you feel to find out that instead of less heartbreak and more freedom you recieve more heartbreak and less freedom? Well, I've never done drugs and I do not drink liquor. Cleanliness is next to godliness as they say... but... im starting to feel like Atlas, the greek titan/god, holding the earth up on his back... Down on one knee from the weight of the world...
Sad, isnt it?
Its the path i've chosen though. even though... all path's seem to have a lot of sadness to them, even if I were a emcee of rockstar mentality (parties, drugs, sex etc.), Theyre just as lonely as me. I dont know what im trying to get at, I just... with all my wisdom and knowledge, i feel like i dont know anything...
This path of honor I walk... hurts...
well, they say pain is weakness leaving the body...
We'll see.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Some Canvas and Some 5th Element

Im always lazy about these Journal entries or whatever ya want to call em'. Guess im not a very formal guy. Its been 7 days already...Jeez...Well... I'll try to take you all back to last thursday.

It was cold as hell outside while I was waiting on the last bus to a distant land far-far away called "Crystal"... Yet, I couldnt really tell. I only gather that it was cold from all the innocent people shivering and bitchin'
while we all stood under a building on 7th and Nicollet. or was that 8th?
I forget...
Yeah, must have my adrenaline from shuttin' down that Open Mic at 5th Element 15 minutes ago. For those of you who dont know, The 5th Element is a record store Uptown Minneapolis but they have Open Mic's and such every thursday..
I had got there just late enough to make Emcee #20 on the sign up sheet. "KNOWONE" in plain bold letters cause the host, Medium Zach kinda said my name wrong last time I was there.
Well, he'd say it right this time but it just so happens they called me up with 3 other dudes because 5th Element closes at 9:00. 20 Emcee's..Well, 17 by my count because there were some wack ass trapstar rappers in there - But 20 emcee's, 5 minutes a slot. I got there with Susan around say... 7:40ish?... if you do the math correctly, by the time 9:00 got around there was still 4 cats left on the list. Me, two rappers, and a singer. A minute a piece..
I had Medium Zach cut the beat cause i was goin' last...
I should have had someone record me but I didnt...against my better judgement.
Well, I hear-tell I "Killed it". Nuff said'




Well, all that followed my little observation of the Canvas. I didnt get to spit, which led to my mouth watering like a mad dog to spit at the 5th Element. Yeah... I left early. Well, at least I was able to play journalist at the venue's. It was interesting watching the baby emcee's spit at the Canvas.
Some nervous... Some comfy. Some corny.
But as im filming, this baby emcee points at the camera as if she'd done it before. Like she's "talking to her fan's" on the other side. And i thought to myself "where did she learn to do that?"
"How did she know to do something so HIPHOP?"
Well, It was an interesting night either way. Some unorthodox characters turned up at the 5th element to spit...and...
















Maybe im selfish... I kind of want to talk about myself right now. To be honest im feeling like im... eh... I'll tell ya later. Im just... goin' through some stuff...

Damn I need a girlfriend...