Scatterbrain - Gotta Make Some Money Man...

I gotta start making some moves yo!

I mean.. everything is okay right now but... If I suddenly became homeless what would I do?

Say my dad kicks me out for some reason, because I “am” 20 now, he COULD just put me the fuck out... Its May 17^th, Im scheduled for Graduation in June... So... like... 4 weeks left of Highschool. So my dad puts me out. Phone gets turned off...

Hold Hold Hold on...

If I wanted to make a living off my art... On some sword for Hire shit... Lets see... Wake up in the morning. 6:00am... Meditations and Shower and exercise and stuff as usal. Breakfast and feed the cats.. Ok... then... Clean up the house. Ok...

Networking:

Yahoo... G-mail... Then music sharing stuff/blog, Twitter... Facebook... Well how about like.. I Get like Reverbnation, Soundcloud, ...and one more music thingy to post on. So Do that for an hour at 8:00... Look for shows to attack in different ways: Photography (For Artists Profiles, like 30$ bucks a pic), Cinematography (for the venue... like $70 bucks a vid) , Graphic Design (flyers, $20 bucks a promo)... And my own shows as well: getting paid like $40 bucks a gig. But also like, contests, Programs, community organizing/organization stuff.

Um....

Photography ($90 a month), Cinematography ($290 a month), Graphic Design (hmm...), Performances ($200 a month) = $480. Most rent is gonna be at least $500 bucks though so... I'll be broke. Damnit...

Well I'm still at my dad's place for like... a couple more months, or I could move in with my brother or something... for the purpose of saving up like $3200 bucks... which is 8 months... And THEN getting my own place... but I still wont be able to beat the curve... eventually that $3200 dollars will be eaten up by electricity, phone, internet, food etc.... Therefore... I need to find a part time gig. Like Guante, working at the Canvas.

If minimum wage is like, $7.20 an hour... 8 hours a week... 7 days a week (if possible)... thats rounded to like $400 bucks a week... like $1200 - $1600 a month? Fuck... I dont want to work a A Mickey d's joint... or a K-mart... Eww...

Coffee Spot, Rec Center, School?

Need a Job... But I want ample time to live too!...

Maybe there's like some kind of paying internship at a radio station like KMOJ or some kind of Video or Graphic Design spot around the cities? Come on Demetrius think! Think... think...

think...

...okay...

Voices Merging... I Can U... Studio 4... Film School thing that susan and Phil we're talking about last month... um... um... um... um... uh.... Odd jobs... uh... fuck... uh... Come on demetrius... Maybe I should just try the part time job for now. But Im not cutting my hair... FUCK! I have a problem with authority... Especially bullies... Come on...

Maybe... Just some kind of department store like Family Dollar or Walgreens... Man im gonna get fired. Because If A show comes up that I have to go to... Im gonna go to it!

Alright calm down... Beats... Sell beats... naw...

I Have friends... Make a... Make a team... a band... a collaborative. Shit... we'll have to split the money equally... Fuck... how do we beat the curve?

um... okay... I see... an Apartment. There's 3 of us... 4 of us... We're a band... 3 Bedrooms... Thats probably like $800-$900 bucks depending on the place right? Plus an extra $400 for food and electric stuff and heat in the winter stuff so $1300-1400 bucks a month.... Tops.

The emcee (Thats me). He rocks the mic and networks emcee's, producers, promoters.... The Rap Contests and stuff. How does he make money? …..

….

We'll get back to that.

Okay, The Producer. He's a DJ. So Weddings, Clubs, community events. He compete's at beat battles and makes beats for Rappers, Singers, and other people that the Emcee brings in. Maybe even like... TV Shows and stuff. So his gig is like DJ's and makin beats and soundtracks.

So next we have the model/singer chick. She's like the communications person. She works with the emcee to Network both offline (at events) and online (facebook, twitter etc.) by seeing if people want flyers, photoshoots, videoshoots, or performances at their places. And of course she does like... Photography (maybe) and Her own Modeling stuff.

The last cat is the... I was gonna say musician but... Any of us could learn some instruments and I already play the Piano so...thats nothing special... Should the fourth cat be like the Part-time job keeper? Should he even exist at all? Could just be the three of us...

AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I wish I had an expert to tell me my/our options and what to do from here...

A Bitter taste of TC

This is a text conversation I had with local poet Sol. Bad grammar and all. But, im going to write it from end to beginning:
"what I'm being honest did you talk to her about writing a song already?"
Which was a reply to: "Goodnight sol"
which I wrote as a conclusion to the conversation when she writes: "oh ok um she's really busy tho her and kristy are starting a progea for youth and you don't have much money to pay her to feat."
Because I said: "oh ive been wanting to contact her because we met last monday at that Voices Merging Banquet. But my computer is down so I cant access the matrix."
Which I wrote in response to: " Um how that sounds like a question for her"
She says, because I asked: I have a song I want to write with her. Can you help me?"
Which is true. I had been writing the song earlier today. So I was ecstatic to her saying: yea dats my girl! she also did yo da movement and she's a dope community organizer."

And all I did was ask her: "have you met a vocalist named Alicia Steele?"

This motherfucker passive-aggressively just told me that I was too broke and not worth the time to make a song with this Alicia Steele.. Really?
I probably shoudlnt let it register on an emotional level though, because Sol doesnt have the best credibility with me, let alone other local artists I've talked to.
I was hesitant to write the entry in this way because I realized its now read regularly by people in the cities, so I've been writing up to this point with that in mind. But, that only made me bite my tongue and stopped me from writing how "I" like to write.. But we're here now aint we?
Some people may know Sol as a local poet/activist or whatever but to me, she's... just my ex-girlfriend. We dated a couple summers ago; Broke up. I broke up with her. She was just full of poetic, well-spoken shit to me. And it stunk like a rec-center full of rotting, decomposed heart cavities [In my spoken-word voice].

Are all poets like this? Was she just being honest? Because I sense malice in her for-your-information responses.. I also noticed though, that there is a bit of rivalry between poets and emcee's out here. Yeah, poets vs. emcees. Can you believe that shit?
I noticed it once when I went to this Open Mic at Artist Quarter in St. Paul. It was all spoken-word performances... And Guante, both a poet and emcee, told me later that night that venues like this usually frown upon emcee's that get on their stages and spit bars. So I wonder if her tone lacked respect because Im this "lowly" emcee trying to write a song with her vocalist associate...? Or an envious ex-girlfriend? A little taken aback that her ex-boyfriend that she couldnt get back with, is asking her about another woman?

Things like this always make me wonder what romance is like in the local music scene? One artist meeting another and dating him/her? Is it the same as your typical highschool sweetheart romance or meeting a person at a club on sheer chemistry? Is it strict or awkward? Like meeting a pretty woman at the office and asking her to dinner? Is it cute? Like finding your soulmate in college and studying together? Or is the Artist/Musicians romance different from all these?
Is it cruel and unusual? I wonder if people like these just fuck whoever they want whenever they want without concience... Get married and divorce four months later like in hollywood. Are these the kind of people passive-aggressively jumping from heart to the next preaching poetic-psychobabble to justfy hurt feelings? Or is this love very sunny and wonderful...? I'll probably find out soon enough.

I guess certain people are going to be pretty annoying. Best to just kill em' with kindness. But im just not gonna conversate (not a word) with Sol anymore.

The Blue Nile II - Taking Notes (Performing)

 This one is from about 3 weeks ago:

"Is that all for you?"
"Yeah"... "wait, where's my wallet!?"
"Did you.. leave it in the bathroom?"
"Um.. no..", I say patting my pockets half-nervously.
"I have to retrace my steps", I tell the girl working the cash register at the Holiday (gas station). I had to run back to the Blue Nile to see if I left my wallet by the ATM; Nope. I wondered if I'd been pickpocketed? Turns out I dropped it by the bar because I had ordered a lemonade but... the bartender tells me the Blue Nile only takes cash or else a $10 minimum on credit. And I kinda already knew my card wasnt going to work but I figured I had at least 14 bucks left on it...

So I run back to Holiday to grab my cappachino..
"Found it?", she asks.
"Yah."
There's a guy in front of me. She grabs my cappachino which I had left on the counter and just hands it to me...
"Oh... I didnt pay for this yet"..
"Yeah, its ok"
"Oh.. thanks"
I look back at her ass and then walk out the door trying to decipher why I just got a free cappuccino... while Im crossing the street Im wondering "Am I supposed to... flirt with her? Did I just get flirted with?"
I kind of.. find a seat away from the bar where my $3 glass of lemonade is still sitting; untouched, and I get ready to write the bartender an I.O.U with my contact information but...
"couldnt find any cash?"
"yeah, I was just about to help you with..."
"Here you go man, on the house.."
"...um thanks man!"
So now I'm sitting down with my City Pages trying to decipher why Im staring at a free glass of lemonade. "Did they drug it?"
Am I just a cool looking guy? Is this what the world is really like? Do people just do cool things for strangers or was this just random? Or was this just unique to me? Guess I could shut the fuck up and read this paper and sip this free cappuccino though...

I'll be honest, I dont really know how...hmm... I never really have a plan for what Im going to perform, or how Im going to perform it... I just kind of recite the bars in my mind one or two times and let the rest take its natural course of events... Sometimes I'll fantasize the scene through my minds-eye once and then go back to thinking about whatever I was thinking about while I watch the city pass me by through those big bus windows.. Then I get there and just..
Its funny, your actually reading this while Im in the Blue Nile writing it. Well, its probably typed up on cyberspace by the time you read it but, im currently writing his in ink in my notebook...at the blue nile. Im waiting for Desdamona to get here; I havent performed yet. Got here a bit early...

....
After I got home I just fed my cat and took a shower. Exercised a little then fell asleep. The performance - MY performance was wack. No I didnt mess up or... the crowd didnt boo me or anything. Everyone clapped and stuff but... to me the performance was wack.
I did a musical piece and an acapella and it was appreciated. But I watched the performance of the two people after me (I signed up for first slot) and I enjoyed their performance more than my own. A friend I made at the Voice Mergin Banquet named Chris got up there and just freestyled with the live band that the Blue Nile is so famous for. And then there was this traveling singer and her band from New Orleans.... Magic.
She made me realize that there is a big difference between being a recording artist and being a performing artist... With her band she was able to improvise already written songs as she saw fit for the evening. They could go to the bridge and dance for a while, then return to the chorus and repeat the verse. Also the Intrumentalists had their own solo's as well...bringing even more dimension to the overall performance.
Once home in bed,  staring up at the ceiling I tried to decipher what I could do to match the power of an entire band...
I did notice that when I was performing my musical piece with the live band, they... practically... drowned me out. Thats why I went acapella to do what I did to the Fifth element the week before.. But I dont want to be AGAINST the band. I want harmony... And I think that if they are improvising music...To become a performing artist I have to be improvisational as well. Either that or magnificently prepared...
Because really I was just reciting some "hot 16's" I had written in my rhymebook a couple months ago to the sound of their drums, bass and keyboardist.. I was spitting something that is really better heard through headphones. To be a live emcee most definitely must take more finesse...more creativity...
Maybe I should... nah...
Maybe I should take an oath to only do freestyles when performing at a place like the Blue Nile; A dim lit, Sexy-Grown-Up bar and restaurant where women come to look good and men come to get em'. Because freestyling (the styling of freedom through words) is the only thing I can think of in the emcee's arsenal that has the same innovative magic and genius as a live band.
Cool, I always thought recording artists where suit-and-tie emcee's anyway.... The journey of becoming a performance-emcee will definitely be a new step in my evolution. I'll have to reinvent the way I write songs... The way I think in freestyling will have to be strengthened. In fact, I should twist my mind into only using songs to fill-in when I slip on a freestyle and NOT freestyling when I slip on a song!...

Maybe I'll also have to watch my fashion as well...There is a woman - a singer named Brittany Bosco that I think is one of my musical influences... It was about 3 years ago that I stumbled upon a related-video of her on Youtube while I was watching Tea Leaf Dancers by Flying Lotus. I guess I kind of fell in love with her sound and absorbed it into my 17 year old brain at the time. I ripped the videos from her Youtube page and started studying her journey.. Now 3 years later everything is kind of coming full circle...
Fashion definitly has to do with being a performance artist. Its not only your self-expression but it is the visual that is left in the onlookers mind. In this Brittany Bosco's performances she looks like she had become her song...? I dont know if that makes sense... But its much like the New Orleans singer and her band... They seemed like they were their songs.... kind of... "transcendent" looking... I want to get to that level as an emcee; the level where I become "me".

Hiphop or Death

 So this entry is from middle to late April (when my computer was down). I deduce that I was trying to sound out a plan in preparation for my new life. I get lazy sometimes though, this should have been up last week. So I'm up at 2:00 in the morning sipping tea and writing it from out my notebook. Its a bit aimless...

"Ok, before I dive into the city I'll need a few tools; Laptop to help me with my Networking, production and my graphic design projects; that'll probably run me almost 1200 dollars which is about 3 months of work. But if a laptop is that easy...a used car should come just as easily at 2,000 bucks... which is 4-5 months of work... this will make getting around cold-ass Minnesota smoothly. Especially when I need to make it to a show on time.. what if the show is far-out? 
Damn, that's the whole 8 months.. I was hoping I'd have a few months to myself (so I can perform whenever). Well I guess I can pop in a few shows here and there while I work.. I should be out of high school by then so I'll have plenty time to sleep.. So.. Hip Hop and work. Until finally I get the tools I need. After I get those tools, Hip Hop will become my work.
The only way to crunch the time down probably is to borrow some money from my folks. 100 bucks here, a hundred bucks there..."

Voice Merging II - HipHop and its little miracles

The Voices Merging: End of the Year Banquet was nice. This was about two weeks ago. Now FYI: im currently rushing the writing of a whole bunch of writings from April that I didnt get to post because my computer was down. I want to write about whats going on now...im drooling with excitement. I'll come back though and I'll story-tell a little more if I ever edit this post.. Because what you just read probably didnt make any sense..

But anyway, I'd arrived later than I expected to because I had to spend 20-30 minutes finding the Coffman Theater (U of M) where the event was being held; found myself walking up and down Washington Avenue through all the college students, too pessimistic to ask directions. O'course, I had shown up to spit but... It was too late to sign up once I actually did find the place; found the Coffman Theater address on a Newspaper someone had left lying around. Therefore, I didnt make the list. However... for whatever reason, I did spit..

Oh! Before I continue on with the story, which I am telling as of May 3rd, check this shit I wrote  down when I actually was there back in April:

"This sucks. Im here all alone. Everyone knows eachother and I dont know anyone... 
Watching DJ Mixwell live engineer the show... 
Guess I've got no choice then. I must give my brain and life to the Elements of HipHop. Breakdance, Emceein' Deejayin', Graffiti. This is the only future I can see myself existing in. Walkging through the campus I couldnt see a vision of myself as a student like these people. I feel my potential is for something else... I cannot see myself working a fast-food restaurant or some retail chump.. Cutting my hair!?... Guess thats not very mature or civilized of me.. Guess that makes me a motherfucking outlaw. 
I... wonder if i can live gig to gig... Trading comfort for freedom and not knowing where the next meal will come from... living in a way that Is unorthodox to the traditional adult because it feels good."

Yeah, Not sure where I was going with that. And my Grammar was a tad off...

Something went wrong with a guitar input for this one girls performance... So while they were getting their technical difficulties sorted out, one of the hosts asks if anyone wants to come up and spit; and it was like they were talking to me in particular!
Im serious, the fact that that girl's performance just HAPPENED to be having some trouble at that moment... I dont know why but... well... and I hesitate to say/write this but... I feel like there's - Ok look, let me preface this: Im not trying to sound crazy but, I think there's some Divine Intervention stuff going on around here... And you might laugh at this next statement because it seems like common knowledge but, im starting to notice that when when I show up at Hip Hop Gatherings... STUFF  HAPPENS !
Stuff that isnt planned out...
Spontaeneous stuff...

Look, I went to that event to spit and see that girl again... and you know what happened when that desire became impossible? An unforeseen circumstance was created that allowed me to rip the mic and then that girl came and talked to me!..
I dont know... am I just mystifying things that happen all the time? I feel like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction after they murdered those dudes in their own apartment, got shot at by the one guy hiding in the bathroom...who emptied the clip at them from no more than 10 feet away and yet missed every shot. You know, the scene where they look down slowly to see that they weren't hit and then shoot the guy back... Killed him dead.

And Vincent goes over to ask Marvin, the guys friend, "Why the fuck didnt you tell us someone was in the bathroom? Slip your mind? Did you forget someone was in there with a god damn hand cannon!?"
Still analyzing and in awe, Jules is all like "Did you see the size of that gun he fired at us? It was bigger than HIM..." he looks back at the five or six 50-caliber bullet holes in the wall behind him and says, "We should be fucking dead man.."
To which Vincent replies, " I know...we was lucky..."

And thus, A dialogue ensues between these two. A dialogue that im having with myself at this very moment because I don't know what to believe... Was it destiny or was I just a victim of circumstance? It's like watching a battle between things that are supposed to happen vs. things that have to happen...

And so Jules continues on: "Nah... nah that shit wasnt luck..." He pauses... then states, "This was Divine Intervention. Do you know what divine intervention is?"

"I think so...That means that god came down from heaven and stopped the bullets?"

"Thats right! Thats EXACTLY what it means; God came down from heaven and stopped these motherfucking bullets.."

"I think its time for us to leave, Jules."

"Dont do that! Dont fucking blow this shit off. What just happened here was a fucking miracle!"

"Chill Jules, this shit happens.."

"Wrong! Wrong! This shit doesnt just happen!"

"Do you want to continue this theological discussion in the car, or in a jailhouse with the cops?"

 "We should be fucking dead my friend! What happened here was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!"

I feel like HipHop is Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction demanding I acknowledge that it was a motherfucking miracle.. But the John Travolta side of me needs more evidence..

Mumbling Incoherently (Tuesday, April 19th, 2011)

Currently at home... Quite Aimless... Blog? Jetsa... IFMN... Quality... Negrosaki... Rhymebook...Romance... Girl... Voices Merging.. Open Mic... Blue Nile... Refreshment; Soul Food.

Sleepy...Wednesday, Favor Cafe... Wall of HipHop.. Soul Food.. Destiny.. Love.. Lonely... Cash Check... Chapter 5 math.. Chapter 6.. Chapter 7.. Raise GPA.. College... Journalism.. U of M.. New Life...

Job... Apps.. Hunt.. Money.. Studio.. Apartment.. Music.. New Life

The Fith Element II - O.D

Im worried. After my performance, I stepped down from the stage to get to the door; get some fresh air but, I had to shake everyone's hand on the way there. So... It took a while.
The reason I didnt start the story before my performance is because I dont want to toot my own horn, as they say. But, yes I did a very good job. And yes I did battle this cat named Street Legal on stage. Yes I did win...

Im trying to write this without being what I call journalist-corny. Which means writing an experience down all fantastically with all kinds of unnecessary enthusiasm and magic... But writing this and knowing someone is reading it makes me want to write entertainingly. But then, this isnt about you, this is about me...which is what im having a problem deciphering.
See, I noticed that everytime I was introduced to someone by Susan, I would refer to myself as O.D. But really Im Demetrius...I think... I mean... Demetrius is my identity... I mean...
Why didnt I introduce myself as Demetrius? I mean, that is my name. But... O.D is my name too/now. You may think I'm over analyzing this but I feel like to say that I am O.D, is to say that I am not Demetrius...anymore. Or is it all one in the same?

Im worried. I kind of feel like Peter Parker when he started becoming Venom. Its like O.D is trying to synthesize with my personality or something... Yes, I look at it as an entity of its own...Slowly fusing with my own identity.
And as O.D becomes more famous or respected, so shall Demetrius, right?
But people dont know Im Demetrius, they think i'm O.D. And I...I guess the question is, "am I O.D too?, or is it just a nickname?" Is it just subservant to Demetrius?
So after I walk to the Gas Station down the street to get a cappachino, I come back to Fifth Element to just hang around. People are asking me for my number and giving me their's and its...flattering. Theyre telling me how talented I am and I respond shy as hell. Trying to be humble and modest.
There was this one Emcee in particular.. Wait... I mean this one guy. Wait... Do I refer of him as an emcee or a guy?...
Ok, let me get my thoughts together...
... Well, he tells me that my lyrics are refreshing. And another guy tells me that he's inspired to write better. And Im thinking to myself "who takes the credit on this? O.D? or Demetrius?"
It seems to me that im going to have to find out if O.D is a name or an Identity. Is it the identity of Demetrius and Demetrius is the personality of O.D? Or is everything in reverse? Or am I Demetrius evovling into O.D?

I wonder if this some path laid out by Hiphop for me to begin evolving. Or maybe becoming Hiphop is making me share traits with it. Hiphop seems to transcend the identities of race, cultures and other affiliations with the world. So maybe its natural that I do the same.
Eh... I dont know.