Im worried. After my performance, I stepped down from the stage to get to the door; get some fresh air but, I had to shake everyone's hand on the way there. So... It took a while.
The reason I didnt start the story before my performance is because I dont want to toot my own horn, as they say. But, yes I did a very good job. And yes I did battle this cat named Street Legal on stage. Yes I did win...
Im trying to write this without being what I call journalist-corny. Which means writing an experience down all fantastically with all kinds of unnecessary enthusiasm and magic... But writing this and knowing someone is reading it makes me want to write entertainingly. But then, this isnt about you, this is about me...which is what im having a problem deciphering.
See, I noticed that everytime I was introduced to someone by Susan, I would refer to myself as O.D. But really Im Demetrius...I think... I mean... Demetrius is my identity... I mean...
Why didnt I introduce myself as Demetrius? I mean, that is my name. But... O.D is my name too/now. You may think I'm over analyzing this but I feel like to say that I am O.D, is to say that I am not Demetrius...anymore. Or is it all one in the same?
Im worried. I kind of feel like Peter Parker when he started becoming Venom. Its like O.D is trying to synthesize with my personality or something... Yes, I look at it as an entity of its own...Slowly fusing with my own identity.
And as O.D becomes more famous or respected, so shall Demetrius, right?
But people dont know Im Demetrius, they think i'm O.D. And I...I guess the question is, "am I O.D too?, or is it just a nickname?" Is it just subservant to Demetrius?
So after I walk to the Gas Station down the street to get a cappachino, I come back to Fifth Element to just hang around. People are asking me for my number and giving me their's and its...flattering. Theyre telling me how talented I am and I respond shy as hell. Trying to be humble and modest.
There was this one Emcee in particular.. Wait... I mean this one guy. Wait... Do I refer of him as an emcee or a guy?...
Ok, let me get my thoughts together...
... Well, he tells me that my lyrics are refreshing. And another guy tells me that he's inspired to write better. And Im thinking to myself "who takes the credit on this? O.D? or Demetrius?"
It seems to me that im going to have to find out if O.D is a name or an Identity. Is it the identity of Demetrius and Demetrius is the personality of O.D? Or is everything in reverse? Or am I Demetrius evovling into O.D?
I wonder if this some path laid out by Hiphop for me to begin evolving. Or maybe becoming Hiphop is making me share traits with it. Hiphop seems to transcend the identities of race, cultures and other affiliations with the world. So maybe its natural that I do the same.
Eh... I dont know.
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