Soundset

I've been having so much fun that I forgot how sad I really am. Maybe I could take my anger out in some rap battles...Go on Grindtime and become a battle emcee...

Up until Soundset I was able to keep my two war's seperate: I mean my war with Hiphop (finding myself) and my war with love (finding my soulmate) but, at Soundset, both were everywhere... I find myself ghosting around the festival ..

I try my best to keep these two things seperate. I guess I wanted to pretend love and Hiphop were unrelated. I even make sure to write about my pathetic love life in a secret book somewhere nobody can find; Its collecting dust from never having anything to write in it anymore.

In both my musical ambitions and romantic I feel somehow incomplete. And Hiphop helps me to pretend my heart doesnt exist.
It keeps me occupied with different community projects and friends and drowns out my hearts thoughts. Soundset woke me from my trance though.. Must have been the incredibly large soundwaves blasting through my body.

Im sitting here at the entrance kind of and I just remembered that I dont like my life for the first time in a while.. I think I had fun here but really all I did was look at chicks that I dont yet have the self-confidence to approach pass me by. Looking at good-looking couples a bit enviously, hiding my defeat behind my fake glasses and pokerface...

People are walking past me right now, almost 20,000 of them.
I dont feel like im here.

De La Soul is performing down there but I walked over here for some reason. Didnt even have any paper to write this on. Im texting this shit to myself so I can type it later...
Its not like im here alone. I came with two friends and met up with 5 more a little after we arrived. Bumped into 15 more friends I'd met on my adventures in the city.. Took pictures with Alicia Steele and Desdamona...

There is no one here for me to fall in love with. Which I must admit is one of my main motivations for living... Or maybe this madness is the final one I need to free my mind of: The want of love. Love is only necessary to those who depend on it to survive. Transcend this and I'll surely be able to see the bigger scheme of things..

But the only way I know how to address this further is to become more O.D... which is happening by the minute...

Huh... its starting to rain...my phone is dying.

You must think im a coward. And I cant talk to women so I just build my reputation until "it" speaks for me. I wonder how strange this sounds to read? Well thats how I feel... you know?

I probably sound crazy but I dont care. I'll die a rapper. Alicia, Desdamona, Mally, Analyrical, the guys at Fifth Element all recognized me and that felt damn good. So... I accept whatever fate comes with my destiny.

My skills, my friends, and the city. If these things lead to my demise then so be it. Because I dont know where im going... And I dont have the answer but, I think maybe if I keep rapping maybe i'll get it.

Thats Too HipHop

Im not sure where to start. I've been working with ICanU for the past 3 weeks. ICanU is a bit of an experimental teaching program born of Alan "Sparky" Starks who I met through the school. He called me in to help him teach and it just so happens he and some other students from Studio 4 have been teaching students songwriting and beatmaking. His philosophy (Sparky) is teaching students through what they are already good at and setting up a comfortable learning environment for them to relax in.
I guess he'd heard about the Hip Hop Workshops and things i've taught at Studio 4 for the past year and a half and decided to add me to the team.Turns out these students are children of Hip Hop but I dont feel like he wants to acknowledge it... We had a bit of a debate on whether or not teaching "my Hip Hop", as he put it, would be advantageous or not. Of course, he, a classic studio musician and instrumentalist of over 20 years, having worked with such people as Stevie Wonder and the like, found it easy to say "Lets water it down so that it can be easily digested by students who arent familiar with you know... your style of Hip Hop".

Now cut to yesterday for a second and then we'll cut back to my analysis on this comment...

So me and Quality, who also is working with me at ICanU, went to DJ (well he's the DJ...) at one of the schools we teach at called Edgewood learning center over in Brooklyn Center kind of. We set up the turntables, mixer board, 4 foot speakers (I think the proper term is "monitors") and camera stuff. We have a playlist or two of the things these students wanted to listen to. Mind you, there is a section of students in the school that are autistic.
Its 12:30pm and we're there to entertain for 2 hours. The playlist we'd been given had some oldschool stuff (given by the teachers of the autistic students) like "the twist", "we are family" type joints... Another half of the playlist was pop stuff like Beyonce "Girls rule the world" or... Lil Jon (who I like) "Snap Ya Fingaz" type stuff. On the table are some of our own CD's that we usually have playing in the car or whatever like J-Dilla, Flying Lotus, Nicolay, Foreign Exchange and the like. Everytime I pop one of those CD's in, Quality would pop it out.
He says that "Djing is not about what you want to hear (the DJ), its about what the crowd wants to hear." I nod in agreement and leave him to his thing. We happen to be running out of songs to spin and Quality is trying to compensate by downloading off the internet in the meantime.

"Yo just put that Dilla Joint in"

"Nah, thats too HipHop".

Never thought i'd hear him say that. But he might have been joking. And i wasnt trying to impose, it really was his gig after all, not mine. He's just tyring to keep the crowd pleased at this point. Playing the pop songs that they want to dance to; compromise. Appropriate but... at that point... I wonder what Dilla would do?

I still dont know what to make of the sparky comment though. Quality says we shouldnt burn the bridge but I say fuck it. Because I filmed some 93.X concert for this guy and he gets a little wierd on me when he wanted the footage. I respected him more 3 weeks ago but now he's gotten too fresh with me. I cant prove it right now but Im slowly realizing that im not going to like working under this musician. Im obviously "Too HipHop"...

Its almost like telling someone that they are too "Black" or too "Asian"... Or telling a white dude he cant be a rapper because he's "too White". Fuck off...

The Blue Nile - Charm of the Third Kind

So its 3:00pm. Me and Quality (bad grammar) are driving on 94-west toward Minneapolis on our way to meet an old friend of mine named Shawnee. For some reason though... Shawnee would rather be called Montell...So I do. Quality and me (bad grammar again) are coming from this Highschool in Osseo. We were teaching a Radio and Television class by way of this program called ICanU created by a man named Alan "Sparky" Starks but, im not gonna get into that right now because I have an opinion about all of that which would throw me way off mark.
We get to the library and meet Montell in a quiet spot around 4:00... And I have a meeting with Susan at 5:30.

Introducing the two of those guys was really cool. We talked music, life, ambitions, soul food and the like up until about 5:30 and met up with Susan who was coming out of Uptown traffic. She told me about some possible job/career leads and stuff as the four of us sat down at the Pizza diner across the street from Fifth Element. an hour later, we found ourselves at Intermedia Arts listening to this poetry show thrown by Guante. Which made me feel pretty angry because of the Video I'm currently editing for The Canvas got messed up and I have to start all over... Guess I just have to have faith in my strategic mind.
Well its late... We find ourselves just outside Intermedia arts after being pretty blown away by the performances and trying to figure out how to proceed with the rest of the night. Montell, Quality and me are trying to figure out if we can get to the Blue Nile by 9:30 - when its already 9:11 - In time for me to sign up if we have Susan drop us off downtown at Johns car. She tells us we probably wont make it unless she drops us off at the Blue Nile directly.
As we are riding there, Me in the passenger seat and my entourage in the backseats im just thinking about not thinking about anything... I want to test my theory to blow away the Blue Nile tonight. Well...at least do better than the last time...
The plan was to just kind of...become one with the Blue Nile in a way. Kind of... Surrender to the energy and...let things do as they please... So we head to the gas station (Holiday) to get some (inexpensive) drinks:

Me:This is Quality
Cashier girl: LOL
Me: He's a producer
Cashier: Oh really? what kind of music do you make?
Quality: Wel...
Me: We're about to perform at the Blue Nile across the street
Cashir: oh nice! Are you guys performing together?
Me: Nah. This is Montell And I go by O.D and this Quality, and your Cindy, and together we're The Fucking Awesome's.
Cashier Girl Cindy: *Laughs
Montell: Wow...
Quality: *Turns red
Me: Well we'e gonna head back now.
Cashier Girl Cindy: How long are you guys gonna be around here?
Me: Oh I dont know...A while.
Cashier Girl Cindy: huh?
Me: We'll be back.
Cashier Girl Cindy: Ok.

I hate waiting to perform. Its sometimes a little nerve-wrecking watching the acts before you. Quality and Montell chillin in the back while I kind of pace around in and out of crowds waiting for Desdamona to arrive with the sign up sheet. I stopped and talked with Desdamona a little bit when she came over and asked her a little about "Giant Steps"which Susan was telling me about earlier. Desdamona happens to be apart of Giant Steps. Well anyway:

"#14 __ O.D"

Since My performance wasnt for about an hour down the list, on account of each performance is at least 4-5 minutes (multiplied by 13 performers before me) we decide to hop on the lightrail and travel into the city to get Quality's Car. As we're leaving Desdamona stops me with two soundset tickets in hand.

"Here you guys go."

"Woah.."

"Just make sure you guys come!"

"Hell yeah!"

"Im serious, if you dont come im gonna hunt you down. You better be there, I dont care if you have to hitchhike."

"Im sure we'll be able to ride with Susan or something."

Everyone laughs.

"You guys better be there, Im gonna be looking for you!"

"I'll be looking for you."

"Ah man... thank you so much Des... I'd could hug you right now yo...man..."

They'll Challenge You

My Highschool graduation is around the corner. June 16th. But im sure my deadline is like... June 7th or something. Im just trying to keep that in mind. My tunnel vision is on December when the U of M starts registration though.
Its strange though, I am already graduated in my mind... My maturity and understanding of the world around me isnt what it was when I first started at HSRA. Having said that, My teacher is pissing me the fuck off. Trying to get me to take a test to get the school their numbers.
I dont know much about the school's darkside, but I can sense that when I denied to take the test that I was write to suspect that something fishy was going on. I dont want to know what it is, I just want to finish my credits and validations so I dont have to worry about this anymore.
Focus

Fusing Demetrius and O.D

Aso... The point emerges.
Registration for the U of M is in December
That gives me some time to make some music (the beat assassin project)
Im about to graduate from High school in June. I'll have the whole summer.
I can get recording done in a few places now. I've made some friends.
I'll get a part-time job and save up some money for my life on a college campus.
My biggest fear was always having to cut my hair.
But this'll give me a reason to keep my hair twisted up so I can grow my afro out for the next 6 or 7 months.

My time will be divided into 3 things: school, music, money.

It was silly of me to only depend on my art to make money. I am also quite intelligent and that is worth money as well. So I need not limit myself to just music...
Not that everything revolves around money.
But money will help me to eat. Or, take someone to the movies when I want to go. Or, give someone some gas money when they take me somewhere. Or, tip my barber when she does a good job. So lets shoot for a part-time job in June. 
I have access to different tools already for free. I have loving friends and shouldnt be so paranoid that my destiny will be ruined by a part-time job. I dont know who or what planted that idea in my mind. But, nobody is gonna take my artistic integrity or personality from me.

I will always be who I want to be. Getting a part-time job is a "part-time" thing. And its not like I cant write rhymes at work.

Its not like I need 24 hours a day to make a song... I spend most of my time doin chill-stuff anyway. Plus, when I get off of work, I'll have some money to throw little get-togethers for my friends that we can make music at..
So when I get to december I will be in a new world; college. New people, and more of em'. which means new experiences more frequently.
Which will be an energy I can channel into my musical evolutions...
I should be able to afford my own place As a college student by this time. With money saved up.
I should have a decent name around the city by this time. With honorable accomplishments. I believe in a Organic lifestyle, just as I believe in organic music; music with the ability to grow and evolve. HipHop, for one thing, is my soul food. If I do not eat enough of it per month... I will die of starvation... fall back into my bluesy melancholy. I would live on my music alone if I could (and I probably could), away from the world in a way but the thing is... The world exists... And I exist within it.
There's nothing wrong with being a human...There should be a lifestyle though, that will allow me to feed both my physical and spiritual appetites. The only way to see it though is to fuse myself with myself... Im fighting myself too much. I think that if I work with myself I will reach the level I am trying to get to this year.

I think most (aspiring) artists have a paranoia and phobia of a 9-5... I am coming to the realization that we are quite child-like, stubborn and irresponsible at times. And that our fear comes from us being control freaks. But if that is true then that means our sense of control was made out of fear. And fear is weakness. And I do not want to "Control" my fear... I want to kill it. Taking pride in a sense of control (no matter how creatively put) made from our fears is cancer. We'll limit our oppurtunities and tools that will be advantageous to our ultimate goals.
Our natural stubborn attitude will make us put ourselves in unessecary stresses that can be easily avoided if we would only open our minds to the fact that we can use part-time jobs to our advantage. Think about it... If you dont like the damn job, you could just quit it and do all the stuff you were going to do anyway... But with less money. Which is possible sure, because the artists circle is quite crafty and loyal; friends would see that you are not unhappy and off-path.

This brings me back to a scene in one of my favorite anime's (more bad grammar) "Samurai Champloo" that led to my experience of Japanese Super-Producer "Nujabes" music. Nujabes who died unfortunately, not too long ago, was a big influence on me in 2008.

Well, the scene is in one of the very last episodes when a counselor of the Shogunate has arrived to deliver orders to this master swordsman to assasinate a wanted revolutionary and his daughter "fuu", who is one of the main characters. The master swordsman is in his garden attending to his many plants on a sunny afternoon... The Shogunates counselor enters the scene abruptly:

 "Kareya.."

"My, what a suprise. To what occasion do I owe the honor, counselor?"

"Do you really need for me to spell out the reason for my visit today?"

"Not at all, I have a pretty good idea."

"We are in a race against time right now. I only know a little bit but I have heard that the felon from the Ryukyu's and the ronin from the Mujushin-dojo are both incredibly gifted swordsmen and should not be treated lightly."

"I have heard that as well"...

And this is funny to hear him say, the master samurai, because he's never been seen in the whole 23 episodes prior to this one... So it insists he's been like this monster waiting to be summoned... But the whole scene he talks with this salty, peaceful voice and keeps this buddha-like face. Sorry if this is too corny by the way; me equating myself to a samurai. But there is a point to this.
So where were we?:

"There is one more thing you should know: I have heard that they are about to make contact with Seizo Kasumi (the revolutionary) any day now. If they manage to meet up with him before we finish rounding up the stragglers from the Shimabara rebellion, it will make things very complicated."

"Counselor, since you made the trip.. do me a favor.. Allow me to show you some of the flowers in my garden.."

"... There is no time for that. Understand?"

"Are you aware of the proper method one should utilize to eliminate weeds?"

"Hm?"

"You see.. weeds, when left unchecked, will rob the flower of its proper nutrients. So what do you do? If you uproot the weed then you disturb the flower. Its roots and soil do not like to be interfered with."

"So, what do you do?"

"You learn to plant flowers that utilize the weeds as a form of nourishment. Take a look, this flower is an example of a beautiful exterior hiding its true intentions. Intentions that are really quite brutal."

Which goes to prove my point of using a part-time job to my advantage...

For the next 4 months, my time will be devoted to my part-time job and my music. The 4 months after that will be the same, except I will have acquired at least $2600 - $3000 and finished 3 Beat Assassin projects. Performed at least 8 shows and also had some involvement with some unforeseen community projects and events. This will be September. In december, Which will be four months later I should have at least doubled my accomplishments. Almost $6000 saved up (minus some expensive dates or unworthy impulse shopping) and almost 20 shows and open mics.
Well, when school starts for me in January, I'll quit that job so that I do not have to compromise the time that I use for music. The time I spent at work will be replaced with time spent studying. At that point, My time will be devoted to my studies and my music and probably some unforeseen community involvment or experience.

Scatterbrain - Gotta Make Some Money Man...

I gotta start making some moves yo!

I mean.. everything is okay right now but... If I suddenly became homeless what would I do?

Say my dad kicks me out for some reason, because I “am” 20 now, he COULD just put me the fuck out... Its May 17^th, Im scheduled for Graduation in June... So... like... 4 weeks left of Highschool. So my dad puts me out. Phone gets turned off...

Hold Hold Hold on...

If I wanted to make a living off my art... On some sword for Hire shit... Lets see... Wake up in the morning. 6:00am... Meditations and Shower and exercise and stuff as usal. Breakfast and feed the cats.. Ok... then... Clean up the house. Ok...

Networking:

Yahoo... G-mail... Then music sharing stuff/blog, Twitter... Facebook... Well how about like.. I Get like Reverbnation, Soundcloud, ...and one more music thingy to post on. So Do that for an hour at 8:00... Look for shows to attack in different ways: Photography (For Artists Profiles, like 30$ bucks a pic), Cinematography (for the venue... like $70 bucks a vid) , Graphic Design (flyers, $20 bucks a promo)... And my own shows as well: getting paid like $40 bucks a gig. But also like, contests, Programs, community organizing/organization stuff.

Um....

Photography ($90 a month), Cinematography ($290 a month), Graphic Design (hmm...), Performances ($200 a month) = $480. Most rent is gonna be at least $500 bucks though so... I'll be broke. Damnit...

Well I'm still at my dad's place for like... a couple more months, or I could move in with my brother or something... for the purpose of saving up like $3200 bucks... which is 8 months... And THEN getting my own place... but I still wont be able to beat the curve... eventually that $3200 dollars will be eaten up by electricity, phone, internet, food etc.... Therefore... I need to find a part time gig. Like Guante, working at the Canvas.

If minimum wage is like, $7.20 an hour... 8 hours a week... 7 days a week (if possible)... thats rounded to like $400 bucks a week... like $1200 - $1600 a month? Fuck... I dont want to work a A Mickey d's joint... or a K-mart... Eww...

Coffee Spot, Rec Center, School?

Need a Job... But I want ample time to live too!...

Maybe there's like some kind of paying internship at a radio station like KMOJ or some kind of Video or Graphic Design spot around the cities? Come on Demetrius think! Think... think...

think...

...okay...

Voices Merging... I Can U... Studio 4... Film School thing that susan and Phil we're talking about last month... um... um... um... um... uh.... Odd jobs... uh... fuck... uh... Come on demetrius... Maybe I should just try the part time job for now. But Im not cutting my hair... FUCK! I have a problem with authority... Especially bullies... Come on...

Maybe... Just some kind of department store like Family Dollar or Walgreens... Man im gonna get fired. Because If A show comes up that I have to go to... Im gonna go to it!

Alright calm down... Beats... Sell beats... naw...

I Have friends... Make a... Make a team... a band... a collaborative. Shit... we'll have to split the money equally... Fuck... how do we beat the curve?

um... okay... I see... an Apartment. There's 3 of us... 4 of us... We're a band... 3 Bedrooms... Thats probably like $800-$900 bucks depending on the place right? Plus an extra $400 for food and electric stuff and heat in the winter stuff so $1300-1400 bucks a month.... Tops.

The emcee (Thats me). He rocks the mic and networks emcee's, producers, promoters.... The Rap Contests and stuff. How does he make money? …..

….

We'll get back to that.

Okay, The Producer. He's a DJ. So Weddings, Clubs, community events. He compete's at beat battles and makes beats for Rappers, Singers, and other people that the Emcee brings in. Maybe even like... TV Shows and stuff. So his gig is like DJ's and makin beats and soundtracks.

So next we have the model/singer chick. She's like the communications person. She works with the emcee to Network both offline (at events) and online (facebook, twitter etc.) by seeing if people want flyers, photoshoots, videoshoots, or performances at their places. And of course she does like... Photography (maybe) and Her own Modeling stuff.

The last cat is the... I was gonna say musician but... Any of us could learn some instruments and I already play the Piano so...thats nothing special... Should the fourth cat be like the Part-time job keeper? Should he even exist at all? Could just be the three of us...

AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I wish I had an expert to tell me my/our options and what to do from here...

A Bitter taste of TC

This is a text conversation I had with local poet Sol. Bad grammar and all. But, im going to write it from end to beginning:
"what I'm being honest did you talk to her about writing a song already?"
Which was a reply to: "Goodnight sol"
which I wrote as a conclusion to the conversation when she writes: "oh ok um she's really busy tho her and kristy are starting a progea for youth and you don't have much money to pay her to feat."
Because I said: "oh ive been wanting to contact her because we met last monday at that Voices Merging Banquet. But my computer is down so I cant access the matrix."
Which I wrote in response to: " Um how that sounds like a question for her"
She says, because I asked: I have a song I want to write with her. Can you help me?"
Which is true. I had been writing the song earlier today. So I was ecstatic to her saying: yea dats my girl! she also did yo da movement and she's a dope community organizer."

And all I did was ask her: "have you met a vocalist named Alicia Steele?"

This motherfucker passive-aggressively just told me that I was too broke and not worth the time to make a song with this Alicia Steele.. Really?
I probably shoudlnt let it register on an emotional level though, because Sol doesnt have the best credibility with me, let alone other local artists I've talked to.
I was hesitant to write the entry in this way because I realized its now read regularly by people in the cities, so I've been writing up to this point with that in mind. But, that only made me bite my tongue and stopped me from writing how "I" like to write.. But we're here now aint we?
Some people may know Sol as a local poet/activist or whatever but to me, she's... just my ex-girlfriend. We dated a couple summers ago; Broke up. I broke up with her. She was just full of poetic, well-spoken shit to me. And it stunk like a rec-center full of rotting, decomposed heart cavities [In my spoken-word voice].

Are all poets like this? Was she just being honest? Because I sense malice in her for-your-information responses.. I also noticed though, that there is a bit of rivalry between poets and emcee's out here. Yeah, poets vs. emcees. Can you believe that shit?
I noticed it once when I went to this Open Mic at Artist Quarter in St. Paul. It was all spoken-word performances... And Guante, both a poet and emcee, told me later that night that venues like this usually frown upon emcee's that get on their stages and spit bars. So I wonder if her tone lacked respect because Im this "lowly" emcee trying to write a song with her vocalist associate...? Or an envious ex-girlfriend? A little taken aback that her ex-boyfriend that she couldnt get back with, is asking her about another woman?

Things like this always make me wonder what romance is like in the local music scene? One artist meeting another and dating him/her? Is it the same as your typical highschool sweetheart romance or meeting a person at a club on sheer chemistry? Is it strict or awkward? Like meeting a pretty woman at the office and asking her to dinner? Is it cute? Like finding your soulmate in college and studying together? Or is the Artist/Musicians romance different from all these?
Is it cruel and unusual? I wonder if people like these just fuck whoever they want whenever they want without concience... Get married and divorce four months later like in hollywood. Are these the kind of people passive-aggressively jumping from heart to the next preaching poetic-psychobabble to justfy hurt feelings? Or is this love very sunny and wonderful...? I'll probably find out soon enough.

I guess certain people are going to be pretty annoying. Best to just kill em' with kindness. But im just not gonna conversate (not a word) with Sol anymore.

The Blue Nile II - Taking Notes (Performing)

 This one is from about 3 weeks ago:

"Is that all for you?"
"Yeah"... "wait, where's my wallet!?"
"Did you.. leave it in the bathroom?"
"Um.. no..", I say patting my pockets half-nervously.
"I have to retrace my steps", I tell the girl working the cash register at the Holiday (gas station). I had to run back to the Blue Nile to see if I left my wallet by the ATM; Nope. I wondered if I'd been pickpocketed? Turns out I dropped it by the bar because I had ordered a lemonade but... the bartender tells me the Blue Nile only takes cash or else a $10 minimum on credit. And I kinda already knew my card wasnt going to work but I figured I had at least 14 bucks left on it...

So I run back to Holiday to grab my cappachino..
"Found it?", she asks.
"Yah."
There's a guy in front of me. She grabs my cappachino which I had left on the counter and just hands it to me...
"Oh... I didnt pay for this yet"..
"Yeah, its ok"
"Oh.. thanks"
I look back at her ass and then walk out the door trying to decipher why I just got a free cappuccino... while Im crossing the street Im wondering "Am I supposed to... flirt with her? Did I just get flirted with?"
I kind of.. find a seat away from the bar where my $3 glass of lemonade is still sitting; untouched, and I get ready to write the bartender an I.O.U with my contact information but...
"couldnt find any cash?"
"yeah, I was just about to help you with..."
"Here you go man, on the house.."
"...um thanks man!"
So now I'm sitting down with my City Pages trying to decipher why Im staring at a free glass of lemonade. "Did they drug it?"
Am I just a cool looking guy? Is this what the world is really like? Do people just do cool things for strangers or was this just random? Or was this just unique to me? Guess I could shut the fuck up and read this paper and sip this free cappuccino though...

I'll be honest, I dont really know how...hmm... I never really have a plan for what Im going to perform, or how Im going to perform it... I just kind of recite the bars in my mind one or two times and let the rest take its natural course of events... Sometimes I'll fantasize the scene through my minds-eye once and then go back to thinking about whatever I was thinking about while I watch the city pass me by through those big bus windows.. Then I get there and just..
Its funny, your actually reading this while Im in the Blue Nile writing it. Well, its probably typed up on cyberspace by the time you read it but, im currently writing his in ink in my notebook...at the blue nile. Im waiting for Desdamona to get here; I havent performed yet. Got here a bit early...

....
After I got home I just fed my cat and took a shower. Exercised a little then fell asleep. The performance - MY performance was wack. No I didnt mess up or... the crowd didnt boo me or anything. Everyone clapped and stuff but... to me the performance was wack.
I did a musical piece and an acapella and it was appreciated. But I watched the performance of the two people after me (I signed up for first slot) and I enjoyed their performance more than my own. A friend I made at the Voice Mergin Banquet named Chris got up there and just freestyled with the live band that the Blue Nile is so famous for. And then there was this traveling singer and her band from New Orleans.... Magic.
She made me realize that there is a big difference between being a recording artist and being a performing artist... With her band she was able to improvise already written songs as she saw fit for the evening. They could go to the bridge and dance for a while, then return to the chorus and repeat the verse. Also the Intrumentalists had their own solo's as well...bringing even more dimension to the overall performance.
Once home in bed,  staring up at the ceiling I tried to decipher what I could do to match the power of an entire band...
I did notice that when I was performing my musical piece with the live band, they... practically... drowned me out. Thats why I went acapella to do what I did to the Fifth element the week before.. But I dont want to be AGAINST the band. I want harmony... And I think that if they are improvising music...To become a performing artist I have to be improvisational as well. Either that or magnificently prepared...
Because really I was just reciting some "hot 16's" I had written in my rhymebook a couple months ago to the sound of their drums, bass and keyboardist.. I was spitting something that is really better heard through headphones. To be a live emcee most definitely must take more finesse...more creativity...
Maybe I should... nah...
Maybe I should take an oath to only do freestyles when performing at a place like the Blue Nile; A dim lit, Sexy-Grown-Up bar and restaurant where women come to look good and men come to get em'. Because freestyling (the styling of freedom through words) is the only thing I can think of in the emcee's arsenal that has the same innovative magic and genius as a live band.
Cool, I always thought recording artists where suit-and-tie emcee's anyway.... The journey of becoming a performance-emcee will definitely be a new step in my evolution. I'll have to reinvent the way I write songs... The way I think in freestyling will have to be strengthened. In fact, I should twist my mind into only using songs to fill-in when I slip on a freestyle and NOT freestyling when I slip on a song!...

Maybe I'll also have to watch my fashion as well...There is a woman - a singer named Brittany Bosco that I think is one of my musical influences... It was about 3 years ago that I stumbled upon a related-video of her on Youtube while I was watching Tea Leaf Dancers by Flying Lotus. I guess I kind of fell in love with her sound and absorbed it into my 17 year old brain at the time. I ripped the videos from her Youtube page and started studying her journey.. Now 3 years later everything is kind of coming full circle...
Fashion definitly has to do with being a performance artist. Its not only your self-expression but it is the visual that is left in the onlookers mind. In this Brittany Bosco's performances she looks like she had become her song...? I dont know if that makes sense... But its much like the New Orleans singer and her band... They seemed like they were their songs.... kind of... "transcendent" looking... I want to get to that level as an emcee; the level where I become "me".

Hiphop or Death

 So this entry is from middle to late April (when my computer was down). I deduce that I was trying to sound out a plan in preparation for my new life. I get lazy sometimes though, this should have been up last week. So I'm up at 2:00 in the morning sipping tea and writing it from out my notebook. Its a bit aimless...

"Ok, before I dive into the city I'll need a few tools; Laptop to help me with my Networking, production and my graphic design projects; that'll probably run me almost 1200 dollars which is about 3 months of work. But if a laptop is that easy...a used car should come just as easily at 2,000 bucks... which is 4-5 months of work... this will make getting around cold-ass Minnesota smoothly. Especially when I need to make it to a show on time.. what if the show is far-out? 
Damn, that's the whole 8 months.. I was hoping I'd have a few months to myself (so I can perform whenever). Well I guess I can pop in a few shows here and there while I work.. I should be out of high school by then so I'll have plenty time to sleep.. So.. Hip Hop and work. Until finally I get the tools I need. After I get those tools, Hip Hop will become my work.
The only way to crunch the time down probably is to borrow some money from my folks. 100 bucks here, a hundred bucks there..."

Voice Merging II - HipHop and its little miracles

The Voices Merging: End of the Year Banquet was nice. This was about two weeks ago. Now FYI: im currently rushing the writing of a whole bunch of writings from April that I didnt get to post because my computer was down. I want to write about whats going on now...im drooling with excitement. I'll come back though and I'll story-tell a little more if I ever edit this post.. Because what you just read probably didnt make any sense..

But anyway, I'd arrived later than I expected to because I had to spend 20-30 minutes finding the Coffman Theater (U of M) where the event was being held; found myself walking up and down Washington Avenue through all the college students, too pessimistic to ask directions. O'course, I had shown up to spit but... It was too late to sign up once I actually did find the place; found the Coffman Theater address on a Newspaper someone had left lying around. Therefore, I didnt make the list. However... for whatever reason, I did spit..

Oh! Before I continue on with the story, which I am telling as of May 3rd, check this shit I wrote  down when I actually was there back in April:

"This sucks. Im here all alone. Everyone knows eachother and I dont know anyone... 
Watching DJ Mixwell live engineer the show... 
Guess I've got no choice then. I must give my brain and life to the Elements of HipHop. Breakdance, Emceein' Deejayin', Graffiti. This is the only future I can see myself existing in. Walkging through the campus I couldnt see a vision of myself as a student like these people. I feel my potential is for something else... I cannot see myself working a fast-food restaurant or some retail chump.. Cutting my hair!?... Guess thats not very mature or civilized of me.. Guess that makes me a motherfucking outlaw. 
I... wonder if i can live gig to gig... Trading comfort for freedom and not knowing where the next meal will come from... living in a way that Is unorthodox to the traditional adult because it feels good."

Yeah, Not sure where I was going with that. And my Grammar was a tad off...

Something went wrong with a guitar input for this one girls performance... So while they were getting their technical difficulties sorted out, one of the hosts asks if anyone wants to come up and spit; and it was like they were talking to me in particular!
Im serious, the fact that that girl's performance just HAPPENED to be having some trouble at that moment... I dont know why but... well... and I hesitate to say/write this but... I feel like there's - Ok look, let me preface this: Im not trying to sound crazy but, I think there's some Divine Intervention stuff going on around here... And you might laugh at this next statement because it seems like common knowledge but, im starting to notice that when when I show up at Hip Hop Gatherings... STUFF  HAPPENS !
Stuff that isnt planned out...
Spontaeneous stuff...

Look, I went to that event to spit and see that girl again... and you know what happened when that desire became impossible? An unforeseen circumstance was created that allowed me to rip the mic and then that girl came and talked to me!..
I dont know... am I just mystifying things that happen all the time? I feel like Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction after they murdered those dudes in their own apartment, got shot at by the one guy hiding in the bathroom...who emptied the clip at them from no more than 10 feet away and yet missed every shot. You know, the scene where they look down slowly to see that they weren't hit and then shoot the guy back... Killed him dead.

And Vincent goes over to ask Marvin, the guys friend, "Why the fuck didnt you tell us someone was in the bathroom? Slip your mind? Did you forget someone was in there with a god damn hand cannon!?"
Still analyzing and in awe, Jules is all like "Did you see the size of that gun he fired at us? It was bigger than HIM..." he looks back at the five or six 50-caliber bullet holes in the wall behind him and says, "We should be fucking dead man.."
To which Vincent replies, " I know...we was lucky..."

And thus, A dialogue ensues between these two. A dialogue that im having with myself at this very moment because I don't know what to believe... Was it destiny or was I just a victim of circumstance? It's like watching a battle between things that are supposed to happen vs. things that have to happen...

And so Jules continues on: "Nah... nah that shit wasnt luck..." He pauses... then states, "This was Divine Intervention. Do you know what divine intervention is?"

"I think so...That means that god came down from heaven and stopped the bullets?"

"Thats right! Thats EXACTLY what it means; God came down from heaven and stopped these motherfucking bullets.."

"I think its time for us to leave, Jules."

"Dont do that! Dont fucking blow this shit off. What just happened here was a fucking miracle!"

"Chill Jules, this shit happens.."

"Wrong! Wrong! This shit doesnt just happen!"

"Do you want to continue this theological discussion in the car, or in a jailhouse with the cops?"

 "We should be fucking dead my friend! What happened here was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!"

I feel like HipHop is Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction demanding I acknowledge that it was a motherfucking miracle.. But the John Travolta side of me needs more evidence..

Mumbling Incoherently (Tuesday, April 19th, 2011)

Currently at home... Quite Aimless... Blog? Jetsa... IFMN... Quality... Negrosaki... Rhymebook...Romance... Girl... Voices Merging.. Open Mic... Blue Nile... Refreshment; Soul Food.

Sleepy...Wednesday, Favor Cafe... Wall of HipHop.. Soul Food.. Destiny.. Love.. Lonely... Cash Check... Chapter 5 math.. Chapter 6.. Chapter 7.. Raise GPA.. College... Journalism.. U of M.. New Life...

Job... Apps.. Hunt.. Money.. Studio.. Apartment.. Music.. New Life