Soundset

I've been having so much fun that I forgot how sad I really am. Maybe I could take my anger out in some rap battles...Go on Grindtime and become a battle emcee...

Up until Soundset I was able to keep my two war's seperate: I mean my war with Hiphop (finding myself) and my war with love (finding my soulmate) but, at Soundset, both were everywhere... I find myself ghosting around the festival ..

I try my best to keep these two things seperate. I guess I wanted to pretend love and Hiphop were unrelated. I even make sure to write about my pathetic love life in a secret book somewhere nobody can find; Its collecting dust from never having anything to write in it anymore.

In both my musical ambitions and romantic I feel somehow incomplete. And Hiphop helps me to pretend my heart doesnt exist.
It keeps me occupied with different community projects and friends and drowns out my hearts thoughts. Soundset woke me from my trance though.. Must have been the incredibly large soundwaves blasting through my body.

Im sitting here at the entrance kind of and I just remembered that I dont like my life for the first time in a while.. I think I had fun here but really all I did was look at chicks that I dont yet have the self-confidence to approach pass me by. Looking at good-looking couples a bit enviously, hiding my defeat behind my fake glasses and pokerface...

People are walking past me right now, almost 20,000 of them.
I dont feel like im here.

De La Soul is performing down there but I walked over here for some reason. Didnt even have any paper to write this on. Im texting this shit to myself so I can type it later...
Its not like im here alone. I came with two friends and met up with 5 more a little after we arrived. Bumped into 15 more friends I'd met on my adventures in the city.. Took pictures with Alicia Steele and Desdamona...

There is no one here for me to fall in love with. Which I must admit is one of my main motivations for living... Or maybe this madness is the final one I need to free my mind of: The want of love. Love is only necessary to those who depend on it to survive. Transcend this and I'll surely be able to see the bigger scheme of things..

But the only way I know how to address this further is to become more O.D... which is happening by the minute...

Huh... its starting to rain...my phone is dying.

You must think im a coward. And I cant talk to women so I just build my reputation until "it" speaks for me. I wonder how strange this sounds to read? Well thats how I feel... you know?

I probably sound crazy but I dont care. I'll die a rapper. Alicia, Desdamona, Mally, Analyrical, the guys at Fifth Element all recognized me and that felt damn good. So... I accept whatever fate comes with my destiny.

My skills, my friends, and the city. If these things lead to my demise then so be it. Because I dont know where im going... And I dont have the answer but, I think maybe if I keep rapping maybe i'll get it.